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Throughout my childhood, I had many friends, but one group in particular left lasting memories. Capin, Mia and Hannah were my closest friends since I was little, and I have many happy memories of the times we spent together.
On hot summer days, we spent hours making daisy crowns, looking for curious shapes in the clouds that hid the sun, preparing cupcakes, playing hide and seek, planting handstands and throwing sparklers. We played nonstop, day after day, until the summer came to an end.
We were an inseparable foursome, but there was something different about our friendship: Capin, Mia, and Hannah only existed in my imagination.
They were my imaginary friends, with whom I shared secrets, asked for advice and turned to when I wanted to have fun. But I didn't create them because I felt alone, I was shy or I didn't have real friends. In reality, even after so many years, I still don't know where they came from or why.
Regardless of how they came to be, research on imaginary friends suggests that I'm lucky to have them. From talking milk cartons to colorful alligators and a magical ghost giraffe, studies show a huge variety of imaginary creatures that accompany children through the ups and downs of childhood.
New evidence suggests that these friendships can bring several benefits, such as greater empathy and creativity, which can last into adulthood.
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The talking milk carton
According to psychologists Naomi Aguiar and Marjorie Taylor, two thirds of children have had an imaginary friend by the age of 7. These friends are characters created by the children themselves, with whom they talk or interact regularly.
"These children do not have fewer friends than others. They have the same number of reciprocal friendships as those without imaginary friends. And what the data shows is that, in practically all aspects, they are the same as the others", says Aguiar, psychologist and author of the book Imaginary Friends and the People Who Create Them ("Imaginary friends and the people who create them", in free translation).
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Currently, Aguiar is researching internet teaching and children's relationships with imaginary friends and artificial intelligence (AI) chatbots, programs capable of simulating conversations, at Oregon State University, in the United States.
According to the psychologist, imaginary friends usually appear when the child is alone. This doesn't necessarily mean that she feels lonely, but just that, at that moment, she is without company and would like someone to play with.
"Many children create imaginary friends because they think it's fun and they really like interacting with other people. So, when they don't have anyone to talk to or play with, they invent an imaginary friend", explains Aguiar.
But research suggests that these characters can bring benefits that go far beyond company. Children with imaginary friends may find it easier to invent stories, be less shy, show greater interest in fantasy, be able to concentrate better, spend less time in front of screens and have a greater ability to imagine scenes and images in rich detail than those who do not have imaginary friends.
According to Aguiar, each imaginary friend is unique and usually has characteristics that follow changes in the child's desires and needs throughout childhood.
One of the psychologist's favorite examples is that of a girl who had an invisible milk carton as an imaginary friend. Aguiar explains that the girl liked the fact that the box was not human. Thus, the imaginary friend taught her what it was like to not be human, while the girl explained to the milk carton what it was like to be a person.
Invisible ballerinas and a boy with a cloud
My imaginary friends appeared when I was around 3 years old. Hannah and Mia were inspired by two girls from a ballet film. They never walked: they were always jumping and spinning, repeating ballet movements over and over. They wore matching leotards, tutus and flats, all in shades of light pink. Capin, on the other hand, was a mystery. I have no idea where it came from.
Capin was older than the three of us. He had dark hair that covered his eyes and a sophisticated air, reinforced by a gray cloud that followed him everywhere. He used to stay a little away from the three of us and share his knowledge when necessary. While the girls enchanted me with their leaps and ballet moves, Capin's thoughtful advice was a constant source of comfort.
Despite their differences, the three of them knew how to have fun. In the winter months, we painted, colored, glued and stuck things to everything we came across. We drew faces on the fogged-up window panes, admired the explosions of color from the fireworks that lit up the dark sky every November, leafed through catalogs, and circled the gifts we hoped Santa would bring down the chimney on Christmas Day.
Learning to understand the minds of others
"For me, the most important thing about an imaginary friend is creating a mind and interacting with it," says Paige Davis, associate professor of developmental psychology and psychopathology at the University of Leeds in the United Kingdom. Some imaginary friends are inspired by real people or objects that take on human characteristics. Others take the form of animals or fantastic creatures.
Marta Giménez-Dasí of the University of Valencia in Spain and her colleagues found that children aged 4 to 6 with imaginary friends performed better than those without such companions on tests of theory of mind and emotional understanding. This means that they demonstrated a greater ability to understand that other people have beliefs, desires and intentions that are different from theirs.
But it is still unclear whether this ability to understand the emotions and thoughts of others develops thanks to imaginary friendships or whether the opposite occurs: children who are already more interested in what others think would be more likely to create these companions.
Learning to make friends
Davis, from the University of Leeds, and his colleagues investigated whether the benefits of imaginary friends also extend to children who are not neurotypical.
According to the researcher, autistic children are able to make and maintain friendships, but their ways of communicating and understanding social situations and emotions are often different from those of neurotypical children, which can influence their relationships.
The diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder (ASD) means that a person presents certain central characteristics, including differences in the way they communicate and behave. It's an umbrella term that includes people with very different experiences.
Davis explains that autistic children also tend to play pretend differently, often preferring activities that involve the imagination, such as drawing, rather than inventing stories and characters. This suggests that they might be less likely to create imaginary friends.
However, when interviewing the parents of 124 autistic children, Davis found that 49% of participants reported that their children had created an imaginary friend between the ages of 1 and 11.
According to experts, imaginary friends offer autistic children the opportunity to practice social interactions that they may find difficult.
"One of the difficulties of autism is understanding and dealing with social relationships. Creating an imaginary friend can be a way of exploring these relationships without taking risks", explains Tracy Gleason, professor of psychology at Wellesley College, in the USA.
According to Davis and Gleason, regularly talking and interacting with an invisible character who, in a way, has thoughts of his own can help autistic children develop a basic understanding of social relationships, something that can be useful for them.
"Parents of autistic children who created imaginary friends reported that their children were better able to understand the thoughts of others than parents of those who did not have such companions," says Davis, from the University of Leeds.
"Children with imaginary friends also showed a greater interest in spending time with other people or making new friends."
Imaginary discussions
According to Davis, Gleason and Aguiar, imaginary friends not only can encourage children to form real-life friendships, but they also provide a safe environment in which to learn how to deal with complex social situations. These relationships can help them set boundaries, understand what makes them comfortable, navigate difficult conversations, and find solutions to conflicts.
Aguiar gives the example of a child who has a classmate at school who keeps taking his favorite toy truck without permission. She can imagine her imaginary friend doing the same thing. In this situation, the child may argue with him, apologize and reach an agreement. Then, you can use what you learned to solve the problem with your real colleague.
"This is part of child development, because it is the child himself who leads the problem resolution", explains Aguiar. "It can be a very powerful tool for understanding the real world and making sense of the experiences and relationships it lives in an environment created by itself."
Davis adds that "children with imaginary friends are more likely to describe a real-life friend by their psychological characteristics rather than their physical appearance.
For example, they are more likely to think 'she has a sense of humor that everyone seems to understand', rather than 'she has braids' or 'she's wearing a blue t-shirt.'" This suggests, according to the researcher, that these children may have a greater capacity for empathy and understanding of social relationships.
Friends for life?
Imaginary friends seem to play different roles in children's lives. But what happens to these companions when they reach adolescence and then adulthood?
"I think many people believe that imaginary friends are something exclusive to early childhood and not part of the other stages of development," says Gleason of Wellesley College. "But they also exist in adolescence and adulthood."
In a recent study, which is still being reviewed by other researchers, Gleason found that some adults also have imaginary friends.
Among the 56 participants who said they had an imaginary friend, 68% had created this companion before the age of 20. This suggests that the imaginary friendship began in childhood or adolescence and continued into adulthood.
Around 30% of participants said they had created their imaginary friend as adults.
According to Gleason, adults create imaginary friends for different reasons, ranging from the search for companionship and social support to intellectual stimulation, motivation, affection, emotional intimacy, advice and help in resolving moral dilemmas. These friendships can also be a form of fun that helps relieve everyday stress.
"In adult life, these friendships are more related to coexistence in society, participation in groups and professional performance, including the ability to deal with work tasks", explains Gleason.
According to the researcher, imaginary friends can help adults rehearse professional situations, such as a difficult conversation with a client or co-worker, or the presentation of a project. This can help develop the ability to deal with emotionally difficult situations.
"They also help people grow and evolve, giving them the opportunity to become who they want to be and live the life they want," adds Gleason.
While some imaginary friends disappear at the end of childhood, others remain and continue to offer support throughout life. "I think that, for some children, the imaginary friend can change to meet the new needs of each stage of development. For others, however, this friendship comes to an end", explains Gleason.
Capin, Mia and Hannah were great companions. Maybe they also helped me deal with issues in my development that, at the time, I didn't even know I needed to understand. But around age 9, as adolescence approached, our group of four fell apart. Capin, Mia and Hannah disappeared, and I was left alone to face the world.
Today, when I imagine the four of us gathered in the garden, watching the clouds that moved and changed shape in the sky, I feel warm in my chest. I remember all the joy they gave me. I know how important they were in my childhood, but I also know that Hannah and Mia's impressive pirouettes are in the past.
As for Capin, it's hard to know if he'll ever return. Maybe in the future I will need advice again. And I have a feeling that if that happens, he will be there to help me, accompanied by his gray cloud of wisdom.
Additional reporting by Catherine Burns
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