Image source: Bas
There are some things in this article that may upset some people.
One morning in June 2024, Baas drove his car to a marina in the northern Netherlands. There his parents' camper van was parked in the sun.
His father Jan and mother Else spent most of their married life on the water. Now he was more than 70 years old and it had become difficult for him to manage the houseboat. So he had parked his camper van near yachts and small boats. This was the next best option for them.
Jan and Else sat in their son's car. Bass started the engine. This was the last time he was taking his parents somewhere. This journey was also the last for Yan and Else. They were going to the local hospice (care center for seriously ill people).
That morning at 10:30 the doctor was going to give them lethal medicine which would have killed both of them simultaneously. In the Netherlands it is called 'duo-euthanasia'. This is legal and very rare, but every year many people in the Netherlands are deciding to end their lives this way.
Three days before their final visit to the hospice, Jan and Else gave an interview to the BBC in their camper van. Yan was in constant pain. The reason for this was the work of carrying goods on the internal waterways of the Netherlands for years.
At the same time, Else was diagnosed with dementia. His story became a topic of discussion all over the world and people also expressed their opinion on it.
Now, more than two years later, the couple's only child has told how he tried to convince his parents to postpone his death, while still respecting their decision to end their lives.
He told how much emotional burden this decision of his parents had on him and the deep loneliness he had to go through after this.
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Last journey to hospice
Bass had chosen a beautiful route to the hospice. This route included the lush green fields and canals of Friesland.
"I still remember that entire trip," says Bass. His mother was sitting in the back seat and his father was next to her. In the beginning all three talked among themselves. Else seemed completely firm on her decision to choose euthanasia to end her life.
Bass says, "My mother was completely confident about this decision. She had no doubts. But my father was a little emotional."
Yan asked his son if he was taking the right decision. Bas was surprised to hear this. He thought that maybe his mother would have some doubts in her mind at the last moment.
He says, "My mother always loved life. I remember she once said, 'I would like to live to be 80, maybe 90.'"
But his father was suffering from pain for many years and that is why he was talking about euthanasia for more than a decade.
In the car, Bass assured his father that he was making the right decision. After the vehicle calmed down, all three started traveling without saying anything. He kept listening to music and watching the sights passing by outside the window.
A few months before this trip, Bass had tried to persuade his parents to postpone the decision of his death.
"I tried to convince them to stay alive a little longer," says Bass. "I said why don't they wait until winter or next year?"
Bass himself was also confused. He felt that his parents' decision to ask for euthanasia was right, but he did not want to lose her.
He says, "My father was in this condition for 10 to 15 years. Perhaps he could have spent a few more years like this. But I felt that if we had waited for another year, my mother's condition would have started deteriorating."
If Else delayed applying for euthanasia, she was at risk of developing Alzheimer's. If this had happened, it was possible that he would not have been considered capable of taking the decision to end his life.
Last visit in hospice
Bass found a place to park the car.
His father said goodbye to the car. He liked Bass's car. He said, "Very good" and "Thank you".
Bass says, "Then we went inside. Just imagine what it must have been like for them. Put yourself in their shoes. This journey and then walking inside. It all seems so unreal."
For the next two hours family members and friends kept coming and going. They refreshed old memories and listened to music. There came a time when Bas thought of stopping everything.
He says, "It came to my mind that okay, let's leave from here. Let's get in the car and leave from here. But I did not want to say anything that would create any dilemma in his mind. I supported him in the entire process of euthanasia.
"I thought it would be better to keep everyone calm and use this time to say goodbye to each other."
The doctor arrived at around 10:30 in the morning. He injected Yan and Else with a lethal drug. Both were lying next to each other on hospital beds. In his final moments, before fainting, Bass saw the love and connection between his parents.
He says, "I had probably seen them walking hand in hand only three-four times in my entire life. But at that time they were lying down holding each other's hands. I felt very happy to see that they were actually doing all this together."
Bass says the first half hour after his parents stopped breathing was "like a fact" to him. That means he was no longer alive.
He says, "Then you realize what has actually happened. It is impossible to put that feeling into words."
If you or someone you know is going through emotional distress, you can get help through Befrienders Worldwide.
At the hospice, Bass felt a deep sense of grief. He started feeling very lonely.
He says, "The pain of losing a loved one is very, very deep. I don't have any brothers or sisters. I felt really lonely."
If we grew up with parents, after the death of one of them we can share our memories and sorrows with the other. This is part of the process of overcoming grief after losing a loved one. But both Yan and Else were gone.
Bass recalls, "It felt like the ground had been pulled out from under my feet."
His grief was felt physically also. He remained unwell for four-five weeks and had body pain.
He says, "I wouldn't advise others to do this. Maybe it's a bit difficult to draw this conclusion. It may have been the best choice for my parents, but losing both of them at the same time had a very deep impact on me."
Had Jan and Else decided to end their lives too soon?
For people planning to apply for euthanasia in the Netherlands, especially those who, like Els, are suffering from dementia, choosing the right time to end their life can be difficult.
Source: Regional Euthanasia Review Committees
To get permission for euthanasia, people have to prove that they are going through unbearable suffering. At the same time, doctors also have to make sure that the person still has the capacity to decide for themselves whether they want to end their life.
Dr. Rosemarine Van Bruckheim, a specialist in the treatment of the elderly and an expert in ethics at Rotterdam's Rotterdam Medical Center, says that because of this, dementia patients who are thinking about euthanasia can have a lot of mental distress.
She says, "They think... I have the capacity to make this decision now, but it's too early. But it may be too late by next month. So how do I decide when I should start this process to know whether I meet the criteria and whether I can get euthanasia? And if I wait too long, might it be too late?"
Dr. Van Bruckheim says that her patients go through such anxiety because euthanasia is legal in the Netherlands. They also know that it is very rare to get permission for euthanasia in cases of severe dementia.
At the same time, in countries like Britain, where euthanasia is not allowed, people suffering from dementia may have to face many difficulties. But they don't usually have to choose between life and death as Else did.
In 2024, Else told the BBC that she and her husband could not wait because there was a risk that his Alzheimer's might progress. Yan was also firm on his decision to end his life along with Else.
He told the BBC that perhaps he was leaving a little early, but he had lived his life. His life was complete.
Had everything been said?
Jan and Else were well aware of the burden their decision to end their life would have on their son.
During the euthanasia process, Bass accompanied his parents to all the meetings they had with different doctors. There was open discussion about this in the family.
Often after the death of a loved one, we regret that we were not able to say anything to them. But this did not happen with Bass. On Monday, June 3, two days before the parents' scheduled meeting at the hospice, he wrote a letter to both of them.
Bass says, "It was about an eight-page letter. Late Saturday night, two days before that day, I went out in the camper van. I read the whole letter to him. It talked about our lives and I thanked him for everything he had done for me."
Yan and Else became emotional after hearing this letter. They generally did not express their love for each other in public and their behavior with their son was similar.
"You feel like they love you," says Bass, "but they show that love through their actions. They don't say it or hug. When my mother got dementia, she started hugging me, but my father never did. I never got to hug him."
But that changed that last Saturday night in the camper van. Yan hugged Bas.
Bass says, "He did this after reading the letter. It was probably one of the best moments of my life. At that moment everything was said."
Published by Collective Newsroom for the BBC.
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