image copyrightBas
The contents of this article may be disturbing to some readers.
One early morning in June 2024, Bas drove to a sun-drenched marina in the north of the Netherlands and stopped next to his parents' parked campervan.
His parents, Jan and Els, spent much of their married life on the water. Now both in their seventies, they can no longer take care of the houseboat, so they live in a campervan. Campervans parked next to yachts and dinghies are the next best thing.
Jane and Els boarded their son's car. Buzz started the engine. This would be the last time he drove his parents anywhere. For Jane and Els, this trip to the local palliative care center (hospice) will also be the last trip in their lives.
At 10:30 a.m. that day, doctors will inject fatal drugs into the two people and let them die together. This practice is called "duo-euthanasia" in the Netherlands. The practice is legal but uncommon; however, more and more Dutch people choose to end their lives this way every year.
Jane and Els spoke to the BBC in their campervan three days before going to a palliative care center for euthanasia. Jan has been suffering from pain for many years transporting goods on the Dutch inland waterways and carrying heavy loads. Els was diagnosed with dementia. The story of the two was reported and discussed by media around the world.
Now, more than two years later, the couple's only son Bass recalls the experience. On the one hand, he supported his parents' decision to end their lives, and on the other hand, he tried to persuade them to delay their death. He spoke for the first time about the emotional weight of his parents' decision and the profound loneliness that followed.
last leg
Bass had planned a scenic route to the palliative care center through the meadows and canals of Friesland.
End of Hot Reading
"I still remember the whole journey," he said.
His mother sat in the back seat and his father sat next to him. At first, the three of them were talking and laughing. Els seemed very adamant about his decision to undergo euthanasia.
"My mom was so sure and convinced she was going to do this," Bass said, "but my dad was a little emotional."
Jane asked her son if they were doing the right thing. Bass was surprised because he had expected his mother to be hesitant about the decision.
He said: "My mother has always loved life very much. I remember she once told me: 'I really hope that I can live to be 80 years old, or even 90 years old.'"
But my father started talking about euthanasia more than ten years ago because he had suffered from pain for many years.
In the car, Buzz comforted his father. After Jane gradually calmed down, the three of them stopped talking and just listened to the music and enjoyed the scenery along the way.
In the months before the family embarked on this journey, Bass had tried to convince his parents to delay their death.
"I tried to persuade them to stay a little longer. Why not wait until winter, or even next year?"
Bass was very conflicted. While he thinks his parents made the right decision by requesting euthanasia, he doesn't want them to leave.
"Dad's condition has been going on for 10 to 15 years. Theoretically, he might be able to survive for a few more years. But I think if I wait another year, my mother's condition may become problematic..."
If Ells delayed requesting euthanasia, her Alzheimer's disease could worsen to the point where doctors believe she has lost the ability to decide to end her life on her own.
in palliative care center
Buzz found a parking space.
"Dad said goodbye to my car," he recalled. "He loved my car and said 'well done' and 'thank you.'"
"Then we walked in. Just imagine if you were in their shoes, taking this journey and walking in, it's so unreal."
Over the next two hours, relatives and friends of the couple arrived one after another. They reminisce about the past and listen to music together.
During this period, Bass briefly considered stopping the entire process.
"I had this impulse and thought, 'Okay, let's leave... let's get in the car and drive away.'"
"But I didn't want to bring up anything that might make them feel uncertain because I've been supporting them throughout the whole (euthanasia) process."
"I think it's best for everyone to stay calm and seize this moment to say goodbye."
Before 10:30 a.m., the doctor arrived and prepared to inject Jane and Els with lethal drugs. The two of them were lying side by side on the hospital bed. In the last moments before they lost consciousness, Bass saw the closeness between his parents.
"I've only seen them holding hands maybe three or four times in my life. But in that moment, they were lying there, holding hands. It was comforting to me because they were really doing this together."
Bass described the first half-hour after his parents stopped breathing as "just a fact" to him - they were no longer alive.
"Then you really realize what's going on, and it's an unimaginable feeling."
In the palliative care center, grief gradually overwhelmed Bass. He began to feel a profound loneliness.
"Going through bereavement is a very, very heavy thing, and having no brothers or sisters, I felt really isolated," he said.
If we were raised by two parents, when one of them dies, we can still share memories and grief with the other parent and go through the grieving process together.
But Jane and Els both left.
"It felt like my legs had been chopped off," Bass recalled.
His sadness is even reflected physically. He felt nauseous and had constant body aches for four or five weeks.
"It's not something I would recommend to other people, and it's probably a hard conclusion to say. For them (my parents), it was probably the best thing to do, but losing two parents at the same time had a really, really deep impact on me."
Did Jane and Els die too soon?
For people planning to request euthanasia in the Netherlands, especially those with dementia like Els, choosing when to end their life can be a complex decision.
Source: Netherlands Regional Euthanasia Review Committee (RTE)
In addition to proving that they are suffering unbearable pain, applicants must also be evaluated by a doctor and confirm that they still have the ability to decide to end their lives independently.
This can cause great mental distress for people with dementia who are considering euthanasia.
Dr Rozemarijn van Bruchem, an expert in geriatrics and medical ethics at the Erasmus Medical Center in Rotterdam, explains:
"They will think... I still have the ability to make this decision, but it is too early now. However, next month it may be too late. So, when should I start this process to confirm whether I am eligible and whether I can accept euthanasia? If I wait too long, will I miss that opportunity?"
Dr van Brughem says her patients experience this anxiety precisely because euthanasia is legal in the Netherlands. They also know that approval for euthanasia for patients with advanced dementia is rare.
In countries where euthanasia is banned, such as the UK, people with dementia may face many challenges, but they rarely have to choose between life and death, as Else did.
In 2024, Ayres said in an interview with the BBC that she and her husband could not wait any longer because her Alzheimer's disease might continue to worsen.
Jane has decided to die with Els. He told the BBC at the time that he might have left too soon, but he had lived his life - and he thought his life was complete.
Have you finished saying what you need to say?
Jane and Else knew all too well how much the decisions they made at the end of their lives had weighed on their son.
Throughout the euthanasia application process, Bass attended all of the parents' individual meetings with doctors. The family also discussed the decision candidly.
When a loved one dies, we are often left with regrets, especially those that may have gone unsaid. But Bass has no such regrets.
On Monday, June 3, 2024, two days before Jane and Els went to the palliative care center, Bass wrote a letter to their parents.
"The letter was about eight pages. I went to their camper late at night on Saturday night, two days before it happened. I read the whole letter to them about our life together and thanking them for everything they had done for me."
Jane and Els were deeply moved.
They rarely express intimacy with each other in public, and similarly, they usually don't show much emotion in front of their son.
"You feel that they love you, but they usually show it through actions, not words or giving you a hug," Bass said.
“My mother hugged me a little more when she got Alzheimer’s, but my father never did that — I never got a hug from him.”
But on the final Saturday night, Jane hugged Buzz.
"My dad hugged me after I read that letter," he said. "That was probably one of the best moments of my life."
"Everything that needs to be said has been said."
If you feel distressed, hopeless, and in need of support, please consider seeking help from a medical professional or support organization:
This article was originally written in English. We used artificial intelligence to assist in translation and was reviewed by BBC journalists before publication. Learn more about how we use artificial intelligence.
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